Dave and Susan

Once upon a time on a council estate far far away there lived a hardworking housebreaker with his two children, Dave and Susan. Now Dave and Susan’s father only received a small pittance from the evil King Brown, so he was forced to supplement his income by choring anything he could lay his hands on.
All was moderately well until he fell in with a wicked woman and married her. One night David heard the wicked woman tell their Father to pack the children off into care. Without hesitation David woke Susan up, and together they fled their unhappy home. David was a clever boy, and had taken with him his Stepmothers bag of crack, and was leaving a trail of rocks in order that he and his sister might find their way back, once the social worker had given up trying to find them.
After several hours drinking white lightening at the local park the hapless pair decided to go home and murder their stepmother. Alas the trail of rocks had been smoked and the pair were lost. They couldn’t even ask for directions, because all the passers by they encountered were wasted and couldn’t even string a sentence together let alone guide the poor children home.
Now that dawn was breaking the estate looked more menacing than ever before, and David and Susan were afraid. But, on rounding the corner they came to a most unusual house. It was a house made entirely from food available at Morrisons. Its roof tiles were made of Finders Crispy Pancakes, it’s door was a large slab of cooking chocolate, with a milk chocolate handle. The walls were made of carefully stacked Wheat-a-bix, the drainpipe where made from dried pasta shapes. The windows were cling film and the window-sills were made from Spam. After all that cider the children had a fierce hankering for some food so they attacked the house with gusto, David pulling down some Crispy Pancakes, and Susan grabbing a handful of Spam. All at once an evil old harridan jumped out of the front door, eyes wild with spite, clutching a rolled up copy of the Daily Mail. Shrieking she chased the children round the house.
At the back of the house was a deep dark pond (with a lovely water-feature from Ikea ) which the children both fell into. Just then a Police Community Support Officer arrived, in time to watch them drown as he wrung his hands and mumbled about how tragic it all was. And no body lived happily ever after

THE END

P.S

A giant chicken with steel spurs, the head of a lion and the arse of a baboon laughed as it managed to get itself shoehorned in to satisfy a theme.