Raven

I am the God Raven. When your ancestors’ ancestors were young
I tricked the Moon into the heavens, my cunning put the Sun to blaze in
the sky. I was the most beautiful, most loved thing in creation. All
men worshipped me. I rode the skies high currents uncaged and
unchallenged. Sometimes I would fish; more often your forefathers gave
me the fattest portion of their catches, out of respect and love. Those
were the first and best days of the world. Everything we created was
new. So as you can imagine it’s a bit of a comedown to be sitting
shivering in a damp hall waiting for my first meeting in the 12-Step
Program to start

There's about thirty of us packed into this old school hall. I’m second
to last row drawing some odd glances from those around me because I
have my shades on indoors. I’m riding the body of a half Cherokee
shaman tonight but I can’t use eyes to see anymore. Had a little
trouble when I stole the Sun, oh way back now. But eyes aint all I got
to watch with.

I’m here cause I have a habit to beat, same as everyone else in the
room. There comes a point where you tell yourself enough is enough. As
it’s my first time, I had my host spike before we came, reasoning that
even a truly unbearable meeting would be ok if I was high

The low murmur of voices subsides as a huge Greek man stands and takes
the lectern. He has one eye in the middle of his forehead, but it’s
covered with a patch. I feel a little whisper of recognition, but
before I chase the memory he begins to speak

‘Hi everybody, my name is Bob’ his low rumble makes the windows vibrate

‘Hi Bob’ we all chorus

‘I see a lotta new faces tonight, and I’m glad. Some of you regular
guys are about ready to sponsor, and we’ll talk about that later. But
let me tell you about why I’m here’ he paused to sip at his orange
juice

‘I have a drinking problem. Took me a long time and a lotta pain before
I realised and admitted that. See it starts off so slow you don’t even
see it coming. I was a farmer, a good farmer. Had me plenty of sheep,
some grain crops, a mortgage on the prettiest little cave you ever saw.
Life was good, and yeah, I enjoyed the odd barrelful of wine. Why
shouldn’t I? He shook his massive head

‘But it didn’t end there. One barrel became two barrels, and before you
know it I was drunk every night. Mean drunk. I started drinking with a
bad crowd, mixing with all sortsa pondlife. One night some humans came
by and I caught em stealing my stuff. things got outta hand. I killed a
few of them. Then I got real stupid. Drank some more, this time wine
the humans gave me. It was strong stuff. I passed out on the floor, and
while I was sleeping the humans got a wood spear and put out my damn
eye’

With this he lifted up his patch to show us all the gory socket. Stupid
as he was, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. Being screwed over
by other Gods is bad enough, but getting shafted by humans must be a
constant source of bitterness

‘Since then it’s been one day at a time. I aint always made it, and
sometimes I still slip up. But with the help of Father Zeus and the
support of my 12-step sponsor, I can beat this thing’ he hung his head
briefly as the assembled deities clapped.

‘Okay gods, let’s take a breather. Give yourselves 10 minutes, then
Aphrodite will see about getting some of you newcomers paired up with
sponsors. If anyone wants to share, come and let me know’

The assembled addicts of half a dozen pantheons stirred. Most turned in
their seats to talk to their neighbours, but I joined the handful going
outside for a smoke. Outside we huddled under a streetlight and
exchanged names and addiction. ‘Thor’ says the hulking blond
muscle-Mary ‘I got anger issues’ He sucks at a soggy looking hand
rolled cigarette

The dark haired full figured woman speaks up with a welsh lilt
‘Arianrhod’ sighing ‘they say I have a sex addiction’

Thor looks like he’s about to crack a dirty joke so I speak up

‘Call me Raven. I inject heroin’ I tell them ‘Nearly every day’ there
is a shocked silence

‘You use your worshippers’ bodies to get high?’ Arianrhod is outraged

‘Come on people there’s no judgements here’ says the second woman ‘we
all done some terrible things.’

She slaps her huge gut ‘I’m clinically obese. Annapurna’s the name but
you can call me Anna’ We soon file back in to the hall past the crude
daubing of houses and animals pinned to the wall. When did we get like
this? What happened to the glory days, the smiting the creating and
feasting?

Oh I know we lost a lot of grip when Yahweh and Allah came tearing out
of the desert, smashing our places of power and slaughtering our
followers. Cults and legends, children’s prayers and nursery rhymes saw
some of us through the long dark night. But that’s not enough to
explain the bunch of neurotic gods here tonight, wallowing in their own
self-doubt. I can feel the sanctimonious gaze of Arianrhod boring into
my back as I take my seat. A worm of guilt wriggles somewhere, under
the layers of bliss feeding back from my worshipper’s brain. I close my
eyes and imagine wind under my wings, hovering and wheeling in
updrafts, diving to catch the new spring’s fish on a morning when the
world was young. A fluting voice brings me to my senses

‘Hi everybody my name’s Aphrodite’

‘Hi Aphrodite’

‘I think our regulars have all heard me share plenty of times....’ she
began

‘I wouldn’t mind hearing it again’ a leering voice called

‘SO, I’ll go right to the first person who wants to share tonight. He’s
a good friend of mine and I’m so glad he’s here tonight to admit to his
drinking problem, please give it up for Dionysus’

At that something in me just snapped. As the ruddy faced God took to
the stage I stood up

‘What the hell is wrong with you Gods? Seriously I have never seen so
many whining deities in all my long, long life. Apart from the no-eyed
degenerate drunk, none of you have any real problems. When did you all
become such pussies?’

‘That’s enough buddy’ growls ‘Bob’

‘Shut up! You’ I point at Thor ‘Anger issues. You’re the god of storm
and thunder; you gotta right to go postal sometimes. Dionysus, of
course you drink all the time. It’s what you are!’

Aphrodite rises from her seat and makes shushing gestures

‘I will not be quiet. You woman, goddess of fertility right? Then stop
being ashamed of how much fucking you do! It’s ridiculous. I’m so weak
I can’t take my Raven shape, and it’s killing me. I want to fly so
badly that I’m using heroin to stop myself going insane. And you jokers
think you got problems. Well fuck you’

I left in a seething rage striding blindly out into the night, just
walking alone in the dark. I must have walked for an hour through
Vancouver’s cold streets, past liquor stores and ail-night grocery
outlets. I could feel my anger and bitterness snapping out ahead of me.
Once a street walker approached me, but recoiled in terror as I locked
my gaze with hers. She turned and ran without a word. In the hour
before sun up I dropped down onto a bench exhausted. Out of the looming
dark a figure took shape. There was a sense of weight, a shifting in
the air. My host’s ears hurt.

‘Morningstar’ I gave him a weary nod. He grins at me, with his blue
eyed cherub mask on, black Armani suit crisp. Las time I saw him he was
still doing the old Horns and Hooves manifestation

‘I am glad someone remembers the formalities. So little respect for the
New Order amongst you older gods these days. Shocking’

‘What do you want Lucifer? I’m having a bad night’

‘Yes I enjoyed your little outburst earlier. You know why they’re like
that don’t you? It’s because they tend to mirror humanity a lot closer
than you or I do. Those pantheons always were unhealthily close to
their worshippers’

If he has a point I am failing to understand it. Suddenly this upstart
with his vast power makes me angry

‘Well whoopy-doo Lucifer. Just tell me what you want. Like I said, bad
night’

‘A bad century from where I’m standing. You know I never really liked
your kind’

‘My kind?’

‘You little trickster gods, capering about, like tiny mockeries of my
glory. Stealing the power that should be mine.’ There’s a nasty edge to
his voice and a touch of fear
strokes my spine

‘So you’ve come to kill me then?’

‘No Raven. Truth is the tiny scrap of power you possess isn’t worth the
effort of taking. I’ve been watching you for a while though and I’ve
come to admire your persistence. You were the trickster god for a
people that haven’t existed for over a thousand years. Stronger gods
have come and gone while you held on to your scraps of followers. Even
now, too weak to change and staring dissolution in the face you cling
to life with a heroin addiction. I’m impressed’

‘What’ I laugh ‘Is this the big recruitment speech? ‘

Lucifer turned to look at dawn’s first blush coming up over the firs.
He was quiet so long I thought he’d forgotten about me.

‘I’m going to give you your wings back Raven. Because I can. Because I
want to.’ He turned and grinned at me ‘And because I think it will
annoy Yahweh. ‘

‘No strings?’

‘None. You’ll as ever be confined to your territory, and should you
take man shape again, I doubt you’d ever be able to leave it. Are you
ready?’

I nodded. A massive surge of etheric force surged through my
consciousness, blasting me up and out of the half-Cherokee host.

Suspended above the ground I felt myself twist, expanding alarmingly.

Then I was Raven, gliding down to perch on the bench next to my
slumbering worshipper. I bobbed my head once to Lucifer and launched
myself into the night sky.